Grassoppers, Lady Boys, and German Girls...Oh my!!!

As you probably have figured out by now, I am in Bangkok...and Smith is not. That said, I've taken it upon myself to explore the city as much as possible while I wait for Smith who ought to be here around midnight. Here is a rundown of what's been going on in the last 48 hours.

Arrive in Bangkok at midnight, get to Hostel and pass out immediately. Wake up at 7am and hit the streets. Take the skytrain the wrong way and end up looking for a nonexistant marketplace for 2 hours. Bangkok is wild, people drive like maniacs on the wrong side of the road. Wander into numerous back alleys. Find some temple and asked a monk if they let westeners meditate with them, he says sometimes, i say now? he says no. Back to hostel. Go next door and have Thai woman shave my head, it would have taken me 5 minutes, but it too ker 45 minutes as she payed close attention to detail. Other woman wants to give me massage, and says she likes my style, my name there is Sexy Man...just like in the states. Start drinking great beer and talking about life with the pregnant hostel owners wife and we help eachother with relationship troubles. She's a beautiful and brilliant girl who teaches me much, along with some Thai phrases. I meet 4 german girls (one was french) but majority wins and they were all german to me. I tell them we party tonight, they say ok. I meet a new friend from Estonia, it's a country...look it up, and we head to Khao San Road. We arrive at different times, and know we'll never see eachother. Khao San is the area wher Leonardo DiCapprio drinks snake blood in the movie the beach. It's overrated, Leo wasn't there, and it was just a bunch of fat, shirtless, Americans and Australians wandering the streets drunk, waiting to get home and tell their friends how exotic Thailand is.

Mel the Estonian and I find German Girls...YAY! We have dinner and go to Club Lava for tequila shots to kill any bacteria that may be in the ice we had in our drinks with dinner. I show my moves th Thai people, they love me. German Girls peace, and we hang for a few more minutes. We leave, i fall asleep in cab, wake up when we get home. I steal pregnant girls mangosteen fruits and promise to buy her 10 kilos tomorrow...I still owe her 10 kilos. 2 am, Courtney from Texas walks in, i ask her if she wants to go out, she says yes. We go to Pat Pong where there are local sex shows, and the cops let them serve booze till 8am. We show up too late for sex shows so we go to a bar instead. I talk Thai to the bartender and she compliments me and asks how much time i've spent in Thailand. I tell her 24 hours. She proceeds to beat me 10 times at connect 4 and Courtney and I get massages while sitting at the bar. Than a Lady Boy walks in. Transvestite Thai men have sex change operations and prowl the streets looking for unsuspecting men. They are very beautiful, but I am a suspecting man. Somehow my hand ends up on her breast, pretty nice, the whole bar enjoys this. 4 am Courtney and I leave and find a hookah bar where we share life stories and our reasons for traveling until the sun comes up around 6am.

I spent all day today with an Aussie and an Irish kid. We had breakfast together then sat at starbucks for 2 hours sharing drunken stories from our respective countries. We found the markets I tried to find yesterday and walked around for hours. We ate Grasshoppers, Flies, Grubs, Beatles, and Chicken fetuses from a street vendor and payed way too much. Saw pet shop with millions of fish and birds and turtles and squirrels and dogs and snakes and tarantulas and scorpions etc... I want to drink snake blood to improve my virility, but could find none. Aussie kid just left for the airport, and said I could stay anytime. He's gonna add me on facebook. (australia has facebook). Tonight we'll go to cowboy road with the Irish kid and some Englishmen and meet up with Smith around midnight...


I hope he sleeps on the plane.


- Josh